Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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