I'm so fucking centered right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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