Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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