I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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