Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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