the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
