so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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