She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
