Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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