you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
