i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
