this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
