If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
