I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
