You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
