What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
