I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
