Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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