apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize