Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
