yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
