answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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