He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
