My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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