Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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