she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
