i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
