Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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