Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
