she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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