haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
