my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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