I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize