Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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