You really coming over, don't trick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize