i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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