Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
