Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
