Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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