Yo dont text me then not text me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
