I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
