Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
