The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
