We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize