I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
