How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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