Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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