Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
