I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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