he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
