God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
a search helicopter?!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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