Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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