life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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