She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
