also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
