at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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