I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
