perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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