Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
