in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
