I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
