This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.