just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never let your siblings swipe right.