Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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