the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
