Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
