There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
