You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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