He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
